Monday, 24 February 2014

A Feminist Opinion on Splitting the Bill

Tonight after a political meeting some of us went for the optional but very necessary beer. It was a nice evening, just three of us (a woman in her early 40s and a [male] friend of mine who is about my age), some beer and nice discussions. The woman who waited our table was really nice and friendly and we never ran out of drinks. In the end when we wanted to leave we asked her for the bill and while the woman paid for herself the waitress immediately asked my friend if we were going to pay together.

First of all: No.

Secondly: Why did she assume that? Are two people of different sexes who are about teh same age immediately a couple? What kind of hetero-normative bullshit is this? Would she have asked this if I would have been sitting next to a girl? We are living in the 21st century, is it really that absurd that two people go for a drink (with another person!!) without being involved? Is there no such thing as friendship between a guy and a woman?

Thirdly: I don't let people pay for me, full stop. My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years doesn't pay for me either. I am an independant woman and I don't need someone to provide for me. So even if this guy would have been my boyfriend, why on earth would he pay for me? Do we still live in an era where women cannot provide for themselves? Where they are dependend on their lovers to pay? Where men have to earn enough to provide for another human being?

Sometimes I pay for both myself and my boyfriend. Sometimes he pays. In the end, it deoends on who has more money at them in that moment. It equalizes itself. But I do make sure he doesn't end up paying on a regular basis for the reasons I have mentioned before. It's important to me to be financially independant and thus I get mad when someone assumes that I don't provide for myself. I do not believe in these traditional gender roles. Which sounds like a disadvantage for menis nothing but open blantant sexism. Women are dependend, money is something associated with men. I do not blame the waitress, she was merely trying to be nice, after all she grew up in this society where men paying for women is the norm. Which is a bit ridiculous.

What do you think when it comes to this topic? Do you let other people pay for you/do you pay for your significant other?

Have a great day,
The Countess


  1. Exactly!! I pay if I have money, or he pay, or we pay our own food/beer. I live in Sweden and we get those questions sometimes but I don't bother. This incident though is weird, why didn't the waitress just asked all of you in the beginning?

    1. Yeah exactly, my boyfriend and I try and make sure none of us pays more often but we don't keep track or anything. But to just assume that I don't pay because I'm a woman, that's ridiculous!

  2. I hate the assumption that two people of opposite sex and similar age are a couple. My brother and I have unfortunately been mistaken for a couple more than once due to the fact that we have no sibling resemblance, it is very humiliating!

    Sometimes my boyfriend pays for me, sometimes I pay, it doesn't really matter because since we live together, the money is really shared anyway. Although I am the one who spends more :P We usually go out with family so it's all one big bill, so I don't really think about it, last time we went to the club I paid for food and drink because I am the member and get the discounts. I guess I haven't really been thinking about it, now I probably will.

    1. Oh you and your boyfriend should just find a way with which both of you are happy. It's not like I don't ever let my boyfriend pay, it's just important to me that I don't depend on him. I want to spend my own money (which, I admit, is mostly my parents' money) and I want to decide when I let him pay.